What Does Balance Actually Look Like?

We all have moments that shape us…the ones that shift our direction, challenge what we believe, and leave behind evidence of growth.

As you read through parts of my journey, you’ll notice I often refer back to my career, because it played a significant role in shaping who I became. When I stepped into a leadership role responsible for nearly 200 employees, I felt a responsibility to define what balance looked like - not just for myself but for the people I led.

With my daughter’s help, we came up with this:

B – Building a strong support system
A – Adapting to change
L – Learning as we teach
A – Aspiring to achieve excellence
N – Never remaining complacent
C – Creating an atmosphere of fun
E – Enjoying our purpose

That definition didn’t just guide my leadership; it guided my life.

Everyone wants balance… yet very few take the time to define what it actually means to them. Without that clarity, it becomes hard to recognize what supports your balance and what pulls you off balance.

Balance is not giving equal parts attention or priority to everything in your life. It’s adjusting based on the season you’re in.

For years, I believed and often said, “Happiness is a choice.”
I believed it. I modeled it. I taught it.

Until I faced a reality where that belief no longer felt true. My son struggled in ways I couldn’t understand. I could not fix him. I could not help him. Despite the love, support, and resources available to him, he could not find his way out of the darkness he was living in.

Only after I lost him…did I begin to understand that darkness in a way I never had before. There were days I woke up thinking it would be okay if I didn’t wake up again. I felt like I had one foot on this Earth and the other lifted, ready to step into the afterlife. My grief didn’t show up in one way, nor does it follow the 5 stages of grief. It shifted.

Sometimes I felt nothing at all.
Sometimes I had to walk away just to let the weight of it move through me.

I avoided saying his name, unsure how it would affect me. I was unsure how to carry both the pain of losing him and the need to honor his life. The emotional toll reshaped everything, including my relationships. My world became smaller, quieter.

And yet…there were still things that grounded me.

My daughter.
My grandson.
The responsibility I felt for others.

They kept me here… even when I wasn’t sure I wanted to be.

Later, when I retired and another chapter of my life closed, I felt that pull in both directions again - here, but not fully here.

So what changed?

I realized I had to redefine who I was, outside of my career, outside of relationships, outside of the roles I had carried for so long.

And I came back to the word balance.

Not the idea of it…but the definition I had already created.

Nothing about it had changed. But I had. I lived in a new reality.

I had already started pursuing my certifications in fitness and nutrition. I began working with a life coach. And through that process, something became clear to me.

What moves me forward… is being of service to others.

That’s when something clicked for me. As Tony Robbins says, “Motion creates emotion.”

And for me, that meant more than just physical movement. It meant taking action, especially when I didn’t feel like it. Because staying still kept me stuck. But moving forward, even in small ways, began to change how I experienced my life.

That’s where I found my purpose again.
That’s where I began to rebuild my identity.

Not by leaving my son behind…but by learning how to live forward while still carrying him with me.

Now, I say his name.

I talk about him. I talk to him.

I still cry for him…and I laugh with my daughter as we remember him.

This is where I find my balance, again and again.

Maybe balance looks different for you, too. How do you define balance for yourself?